Here, I pick up where I left off last time. Read parts one and two if you need to catch up!
Day
11: Friday
Meat
today! Yayyyy!!! Cooked up some chicken and had it with wild & brown rice.
Claire
and I went to the mall together; she had Panda for lunch and I just watched and
talked to her. No cravings, I wasn’t hungry, and had no desire to eat for entertainment.
It’s amazing. Okay, there was one exception: walking past the smell wafting out
of Wetzel’s Pretzels almost made me lose my mind. So that, and cream cheese
bagels, have been my cravings. Bready stuff. Coffee, occasionally, when I go
past Starbucks, but I’m pretty sure that’s a Pavlovian response.
I
picked up my Trazodone refill. But at bedtime I told Dan, “I would rather have
insomnia and wake up feeling good, like I did before, than take meds to sleep
and wake up feeling like crap.” So I didn’t take any.
Day
12: Saturday
As
expected, a choppy night. I got about 5 ½ hours of sleep. Nevertheless, it’s 6 p.m. as I write
this and my energy level has been good all day. If anything, sitting and typing
right now is making me a little drowsy.
Charlie
and I went shopping for the things he needs for camp. He wanted to go
Cheesecake Factory for lunch. I ordered the vegetable medley salad (no cheese)
with oil & vinegar. All cleanse-approved. And you know what? I really liked it.
And, couldn’t finish it all. Half went into the fridge.
Day
13: Sunday
So,
last night I gave in and went back on the regular dose of Trazodone. And it was
okay. Slept better and still felt awake. “Don’t you like having a
cheerful wife in the morning?” I asked Dan. Which is sort of a rhetorical
question, of course.
Charlie
and Emma headed off to Camp Fox today; they’ll be gone all week.
Day
14: Monday
(Apparently, I was so busy that I
didn’t take any notes. Which is a good sign.)
Day
15: Tuesday
I
woke up feeling so fresh and present, as I checked emails and Facebook in the
morning it occurred to me that I wanted to meditate. I’ve started and stopped
this practice many times. Today I sat for 20 minutes, able to stay clear more
easily than ever before. It was pretty cool.
Then
I rode the high right to a yoga class at the Y, the first I’ve gone to in about
two years. When it was over, I felt like I could slay dragons.
For
dinner I made a homemade lasagna for Dan and Claire, something I’d always
thought was too hard and time-consuming for me. Organic grass-fed beef, organic
sauce – yes it took longer than my old crutch, frozen MichaelAngelo’s, but it
was SO worth it! Claire, who never liked the frozen stuff, just loved it. Dan
too.
It
feels so good to make healthier versions for my family. And you know, since I’m
not napping in the middle of the day, I have plenty of time for it. Me, cooking.
Who’da thunk it.
Day
16: Wednesday
169.
169?!?
That
is what my scale said this morning. I have lost seven pounds. Without feeling
hungry, without deprivation. I just eat different stuff. And I don’t know how
it could be water weight, since I’m drinking water ALL THE TIME.
Today
I got myself an infuser water bottle. It has a little insert that you fill with
fresh fruit, and it suspends inside the bottle when you fill it with water so
the fruitiness infuses the water. That orange tree out front is going to come
in real handy!
I
also discovered La Croix fizzy grapefruit water. Mmmm, reminds me of Fresca!
Day
17: Thursday
My
grocery trips are getting a lot shorter now that I avoid processed foods. Not
cheaper, necessarily, but definitely shorter.
Worked
all day in Charlie’s room, moving his old desk into the back room and the nicer
one from out there into his room. This involved disassembling and reassembling
them both. Not all Ikea furniture is easy to do alone. My purification support
e-mails say sweating is good for removing the toxins. I sure removed some
today.
Larry
Mantle on KPCC had a segment on his show about the Master Cleanse, which
involves nothing but lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper in water for
ten days. Plus a laxative at night. Sounds dreadful. I am positive that I’m
getting all the health benefits that the Master Cleanse claims, without
suffering (well, those first couple of days WERE kinda tough… but I AM eating)
or depending on a fad.
Oh
yeah, and last night I slept in my own bed. All night.
Day
18: Friday
MAJOR
light bulb moment.
I
cheated last night. In the middle of the night – around 3, I think – I fell
back on my old midnight habit and had a chewy granola bar. Actually, I had two.
Long ago I convinced myself that I needed
this to fall back to sleep.
Remember
how I was saying that, since starting this, I woke up so alert even after a
restless night? This morning, after my binge, oh my God I felt terrible. An old, familiar terrible. I couldn’t
wake up. I couldn’t open my eyes. I wanted sleep - lots, lots more sleep. Because the house was empty (Claire
at her dad’s, the others at Camp Fox, Dan gone for work) I lingered in bed
until 9, even though I had gone to bed at 11. I could barely drag myself out of
bed, just like the old days, when I could only do it knowing a good strong cup
of coffee awaited me.
Wow.
I
rolled out of bed after a good face-licking from Bowie, and when I looked at
the sheet it was spotted with chocolate-chip stains from the granola bars. Holy
smokes. I don’t even remember eating in bed.
You don’t have to do this, I told myself. You
control yourself in the daytime without any problems. It can be done, even if
you have to hide the granola bars, because that works and you are worth it.
45
minutes and a cup of blueberry tea later, I started to feel human again. And I
don’t ever want to feel as bad as I did this morning. So, no more nighttime
eating. The end.
I
headed back out to Ikea to get the things I needed to finish Charlie’s room.
They get back tomorrow evening.
Day
19: Saturday
It
occurred to me that I no longer have food cravings, I no longer think about
food all day, I don’t miss caffeine or sugar, and I feel fan-fucking-tastic. I eat when I’m hungry. But I’m eating good
stuff.
I
bought the good beef and the good sauce to make crock-pot meatballs for the
family. Making fresh meals has become a source of pride and pleasure for me.
Which is probably the MOST unbelievable thing to happen on this cleanse.
Unfortunately, as I followed the recipe, I realized while mixing the
ingredients together that my kids would NEVER eat anything with this much onion
in it. So I spent almost an hour picking tiny onion bits out of each meatball
as I rolled them. It’s a steep learning curve, folks.
Dan
took Claire to see “Despicable Me 2” so I could finish up Charlie’s room. He got
a new mattress pad, clean sheets, and a nice new quilt to replace his old brown
blanket. There’s still a lot to do, and he’ll have to help me do it, but I
think it’s a remarkable improvement.
Unfortunately,
when I got him home from the Y, Charlie did not share my enthusiasm. In fact he
sorta freaked out. Another benefit of this detox is that I don’t have toxins in
my brain anymore – that is to say, I feel steady and more in control. I let him
rant, looked at him calmly and said, “I hear you. You are not happy I did this.
Now I want you to go take a shower.” (He was filthy from camp.) And you know
what? He did. Later, once he had eaten something, he apologized. He still wishes
I hadn’t done it while he was gone.
Also,
Claire still thought there were too many onions in the meatballs.
Day
20: Sunday
Tomorrow
is the last day. My emails from Support are advising me to plan how to
re-introduce foods. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Dairy will be my first
test; I plan to just have a glass of milk and see what happens. Maybe some
cheese. I need to know if it’s okay to put some half-and-half in my decaf. I
splurged on some Illy espresso blend, which has “caffeine content no more than
%.05” on the can. I'm okay with that.
My
beloved flavored syrups will also be an issue. When I have some sugar, even
just a little in my coffee, will it set off the cravings? I’m never going to
have the Splenda-sweetened syrup again. Although most people think it’s
harmless, and I’m sure in moderation it probably is, the stuff is basically
chlorinated sugar with traces of heavy metals and I’d just rather not have it.
I’m
doing a lot of reading about stevia. It’s interesting to note that the giant
agribusiness Cargill applied for patents on rebiana, the stevia extract they
use in Truvia. A patent on a plant! Also interesting that the FDA finally approved
stevia’s safety based on research by – you guessed it – Cargill and Coca-Cola.
Their Truvia product, now on grocery shelves, contains other ingredients
including erythritol (a sugar alcohol) and uses an elaborate chemical process
to extract the sweet stuff from the stevia leaf. Cargill has done a great job
of minimizing these facts and keeping them from the public. But here is a recent article (one of many I found) that summarizes the benefits and dangers
of stevia. Buyer beware and all that.
Some nutritionists recommend different sweeteners to avoid sugar and chemicals. Agave is supposed to be low-glycemic – depending on who you
ask. I’m really not concerned with the calories, just the cravings. Other suggestions are raw honey or maple syrup. I’m not sure how those would go over in
coffee. Although maple syrup might be interesting.
Day
21: Monday. The last day.
I’m
starting to feel nervous about eating other things again. Today I enjoyed the
foods I’ve become comfortable with, and tried to remember the last time I took
an afternoon nap. Charlie and Emma were at home all day while Claire went to
summer school. Emma and I ran errands together at the mall. Claire had
gymnastics. I made them chicken in a sesame-ginger simmer sauce (okay, that was
from a jar, but the ingredients were fine) with rice, which they loved. It was
a good day and I want to feel like this forever.
Day
one post-cleanse: Tuesday
Ending
weight: 166. I can’t believe I lost ten pounds in three weeks.
My
biggest challenge is definitely going to be facing my fear of adding foods back
in. Today I got so busy that I forgot to even eat until almost 1 p.m. Went
grocery shopping and bought chips for Claire’s lunch; I wanted to have some but
I’m so afraid I won’t be able to control myself that I just put the bag away.
Epilogue:
five days later.
Some
of my fears have been realized. I had some (organic, non-GMO, whole grain)
crackers with Laughing Cow cheese for lunch one day, and then allowed myself
some potato chips. In short order I was prowling the kitchen looking for more
food. I was not hungry; I just wanted to eat more. But what was the culprit? Starches?
Dairy? Both? I need to be more careful adding foods back in.
Creamer
and a little flavored syrup in my decaf are fine. Dan’s birthday cake in my fridge is not. I feel
like I want to eat it all. Drinking milk is also a verified no-no: cravings
were triggered almost instantly. I did the midnight prowl one night and had the
same response as before. So I’ve put the red-light foods in a very inconvenient
location to reduce temptation.
Dan
made pizza last night in his new pizza cooker, a birthday gift from me. It was
delicious, made with quality ingredients, and I handled it pretty well. No
tummy aches from the crust or the cheese, and I didn’t overeat.
And
so, dear readers, the challenge will continue, and I intend to take it slow. I
love having a smoothie in the morning, and as I learn the foods that work best
for me it will get easier to plan meals around them. My weight loss will
probably taper off, but I plan to hack away at those last ten pounds. I checked
in with Dr. Yoshi, and he is very happy that I stuck with it and had such
positive results.
What
can I give you as a final thought? This experience has convinced me that the
processed foods we are being sold by big food conglomerates are, indeed, making
us sick. I believe that refined sugar is as addictive as nicotine. Soft drinks are a pack-a-day habit. Breakfast cereals are basically candy. As much as the liver
is designed to remove toxins for us – the chemicals in our food, added hormones
in meats and dairy, alcohol and caffeine – it’s also very busy doing its regular
job of sending the good nutrients where they need to go. So giving it a rest
through this cleanse is, in my opinion, a very good idea.
I
also believe that a poor diet, as cheap and easy as it is to acquire in
America, is the cause of so many of our ailments. The big
pharmaceutical companies want you to take a pill. I don’t think that’s the
answer.
You
only get one body on this journey. It deserves your conscious, loving care. I
feel better than ever, no kidding. Just think about it.