Wednesday, March 27, 2013

How to make a lemon drop, if you are me.

1) Take out vodka, triple sec (because you are out of Cointreau), and sweet & sour mix.

2) Oh wait, you don't have sweet & sour mix. Look up recipe for homemade sweet & sour mix online. You need a cup of lemon juice.

3) Go outside to lemon tree, where all of the ripe ones are at the very top. Climb lemon tree, get scratched all over your arms, get only three lemons.

4) Go to garage where the citrus-picking-thing is stuck behind lawn equipment. Knock gas trimmer over on your foot. Yell.

5) Take citrus-picking-thing out to lemon tree, get some more lemons, bring them inside and wash them.

6) Squeeze lemons until your arm is sore because you are too lazy to get the electric juicer out. When lemon juice gets into the scratches on your arms, curse quietly, because the kids are watching Adventure Time in the next room.

7) Boil 1 1/2 cups of water. Add 1 1/2 cups of sugar, dissolve. Stir in 1 cup lemon juice and 1 cup lime juice (which, luckily, you have in a bottle. No lime trees here).

8) Realize that you have to wait for your homemade sweet & sour mix to cool before you can enjoy your delicious adult beverage. Allow steam to escape ears. Pour some mix into a cup and stick it into the freezer.

9) Meanwhile, spend two or three minutes contemplating your collection of martini glasses. They are dusty. Wonder why. Choose one and wipe it out.

10) Juice one more lemon for the recipe. Dip your finger into the juice and lightly moisten the rim of the martini glass. Take out the baker's sugar, pour some onto a plate, and dip the rim into the sugar. Now we're cooking.

11) Get cocktail shaker from cabinet. Try to remove the top. Realize it is stuck. Breathe deeply; twist and twist and twist. Become increasingly vexed and begin pounding it against the kitchen island, where a well-placed towel dulls the noise. Open and add ice.

12) Add 3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. slightly warm sweet & sour mix, 1 oz. triple sec, and the juice of one lemon. Shake vigorously; pour into rimmed glass. Garnish with lemon twist.

13) Take a photo and post it to Facebook so your friends think you are super cool and bartendery.

14) Take one sip. Aaah, electric vodka shock. Accept the fact that generic triple sec is a poor substitute for Cointreau. Add Cointreau to the shopping list. Also bottled sweet & sour mix.

15) Sit in the comfy chair with your drink. Look at clock. It is time to put the kids in bed.

16) Fifteen minutes later, return to your lukewarm martini and drink it in two gulps.

17) Go to the freezer where the rest of the cocktail is waiting for you. Re-rim glass, skip the twist, empty the shaker into glass, make sure the kids are out, return to comfy chair.

18) Turn on the DVR and start up those reruns of Friends you've been racking up on Nick at Nite. Raise your glass to the gang at Central Perk. Relax.

19) Hubby comes home from a late dinner with Stepson and makes a snarky comment about the vodka on the kitchen counter.

20) Ignore urge to throw martini at hubby. Make another batch. After all, your sweet & sour mix is cool by now.

Repeat as necessary.

Note: homemade sweet & sour mix is in the pot on the stove.

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